August 2026

To Whom It May Concern,

I hope this letter receives you well. My name is Jean (JT) Teodoro. I was a Bay Area based organizer for the National Democratic (ND) Movement of the Philippines in 2007-2008, 2013-2021. In honor of the cause of the ND Movement, I write this open letter in hopes of reaching a resolution between myself and some individuals who are leading our local Bay Area ND organizing community. My intention through this letter is to progress with faith towards kasamaship, understanding and healing in our interwoven village, especially as we share mutual aspirations towards justice, liberation, genuine democracy & mass-oriented progress, from the Philippines to Turtle Island. As we have endured global crises, the rise of fascism, the martyrdom & deaths of our loved ones – as we have also celebrated life milestones & the births of new family members, I am once again inviting a process of rectification towards one another. Our movement calls us to unite, especially in times like these. Over five years of unresolved issues have caused tension or avoidances between ND organizers with myself and each other in mutually shared communities. Though the events that need a resolution happened over five years ago, it would still heal our community to know the truth of those matters. I hope we can find much more meaningful resolution than continue a culture of avoidance & cancelation. I hope this letter can be helpful to anyone who is also affected by the themes addressed in this letter, anyone who cares for the organizational integrity of the ND Movement, or anyone striving towards growing transformative justice in our world. I write this open letter in service of you, of us, and our movement. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. I offer this for your discernment. I hope it adds value to your life journey in any way.

If you are mourning and grieving the loss of a loved one, I am sending you my deepest love. I continue to grieve and mourn with you. Our loved ones and our martyrs continue to be in my prayers. You continue to be in my prayers.

Glory to all martyrs! Justice for all martyrs! May our new ancestors bear witness to our trials. May their spirits guide our struggles.

This letter was written with continued belief in the political aspirations of the ND Movement, and with a desire to continue contributing to its growth. This letter (just as any attempt by anyone to uphold necessary truths or resolve conflicts) is a sincere labor of love dedicated to our revolutionary movement. It is meant to continue or start the conversations needed for resolution and progress. It welcomes feedback, responses, dialogue, criticism and disputes. Thank you in advance for any reflections or lessons you may offer after reading this.

The truths shared here are revelatory, and may not be convenient. I intend for every criticism I continue to share, every truth I continue to reveal, to be an act of love and comradeship. After all, the only way to truly know what our comradeship is worth, is to learn how each of us responds when inconvenient truths are shared. I hold to the Maoist principle “let a hundred flowers bloom; let a hundred schools of thought contend,” not only in ideology or methodology, but also in the discernment of truth. All matters that come to light, exist to enlighten the movement.

My criticisms speak to a standard that I reciprocate – a standard that I also hold myself to. Everything that I ask of others are things that I strive to practice myself. I am happy to converse about the contents of this letter. I am happy to receive any questions, suggestions or responses.

‍ ‍If you have also felt demoralized, hurt, resentful or even broken from ND organizing or social justice organizing in general, I am deeply caring for you. I hope this letter gives you a sense of shared struggle. Perhaps it offers a language to any similar experiences you might have had. If this letter resonates with you in any way, please feel free to let me know. I would appreciate it.

I humbly offer this open letter as my best course of action for accountability and resolution, as I have previously approached many possible channels to address the matters I raised here. Throughout 2019-2024, I tried to have dialogues about these matters with my kasamas (comrades) many times, in the most principled forms possible, given the circumstances – from direct conversations, to matters raised in meetings, to the process we engaged in before my exit, to messages and letters with consultation from other kasamas. I will share that my exit from ND organizing in August 2021 was coerced. After my exit, I made continued attempts for resolution with kasamas. I sent a letter in May 2023 to the leadership of our ND Movement with the same requests I am making in this letter. In 2024, I tried to have dialogue with individuals who are central to this issue, but I was stonewalled.

In the absence of dialogue, I am left with no choice but to communicate the contents of this open letter as a last resort. In this letter, I will need to name certain events, behaviors and practices to provide my burden of proof. I will also provide necessary photos and screenshots of messages. Certain individuals will be referred to using single letters rather than their names. My intention is to focus on the actions and reveal a culture we must remold from. I do not intend on focusing on particular individuals, though they may have to be identified for the verification of certain events.

More important than interpersonal challenges, this open letter aims to address the culture of avoidance, retaliation, gossip, slander, libel and triangulation that is normalized in our Bay Area ND organizing. Though I have been exposed to many accounts of how this culture has caused the exit of numerous other ND organizers internationally and locally, this letter draws only from my direct experiences.

I reiterate that all matters and points I share in this open letter were shared with my kasamas in the best possible channels, multiple times throughout multiple years. I have tried to protect the safety of our organization by communicating with them as directly as possible. None of my points here should be a surprise to those kasamas. I must widen the scope of my message because those kasamas previously ignored my messages.

I have thought for a long time to forgive this situation, let it go, let it heal through the passage of time, and no longer reach out for resolution. Some kasamas who I consulted told me to “prove them wrong with your success.” But I realized throughout the years how much this culture has and will continue to destroy our movement. And based on the constant gossip I hear about myself to this day, I realized how defamation will continue to be weaponized against me, even when I am no longer in any organizations, unless I completely address it. After reflecting and consulting people I trust in our community, I came to the conclusion that this open letter is the best course towards healing and reparation.

I intend for this letter to be shared only as needed. I do not intend for it to be shared widely with people who have no such concerns regarding ND organizing, or the issues covered here. Hence why this open letter is an unlisted page on my website, rather than in more public platforms, like in blog pages or in social media. Please respect my request to keep this letter only for people of concern.

The perspective I share in this open letter is mine alone. I do not expect anyone to side with me in any conflict, or to accept my experience as the only truth. I am simply sharing my personal experience as honestly as I can, in the best way possible at this point, to contribute to the larger truths of the matter.

This open letter was drafted in May 2024, and was updated as recently as August 2026 to reflect later developments. It builds on previous statements and letters I wrote to my organization throughout 2021-2023.

Summary of Points:

Acknowledging Essential Context

What harm was done?

What is the possible motive for the harm?

Signs that foreshadowed the harm

Why does this issue matter to our movement? What is at stake?

The effects of this unresolved issue on the community and myself

Addressing the Gossip and Allegations with Proof

More related experiences to the culture of gossip within the Bay Area ND Movement

Resolutions

What lessons can we apply from this experience?

What was my history like with the ND Movement?

Acknowledging Essential Context

I acknowledge my identity and positionality as a cis male of color in a world traumatized by patriarchy, misogyny, machismo, chauvinism and hyper-masculine violence. I understand that as a cis male, I have to further earn trust in our communities because of our patriarchal society. I am a human being, and I continually strive to be an uncompromising accomplice & comrade to my femme, trans & queer family.

I apologize to any kasamas and friends if, in my reaching out to them for a conversation or support, they felt alarmed, or if they felt that I may simply be trying to change their minds to favor my personal interest. I apologize if at any point I contributed to anyone’s sense of fear, or if I triggered any trauma. My intention is to uplift accountability, truth, understanding, healing, trust, confidence, justice and transformation. If there is any way we can have healthy and progressive conversations, please let me know. I am willing to try anything for the genuine benefit of our relations.

It is my life’s work to wholeheartedly cultivate spaces of justice and safety – especially for femme, trans and queer folks. I am vigilant in maintaining such spaces, and I support anyone who is also vigilant in doing so. From their experiences with males, I am cognizant of the trauma that exists among femme, trans and queer folks. I am accepting of people’s skepticism, fear and anger towards males in our society. I understand why it is normal to speculate whether someone, particular a male, is doing anything malicious or harmful towards others. I myself am vigilant with male behavior. I strive to create cultural environments where males develop healthier relationships with themselves, with the world, with trans, queer and femme folks.

It is the duty of men to be kapwa, family, siblings, kasamas, comrades, accomplices and allies to trans, queer and femme folks. Men must be ideologically, culturally, politically and interpersonally supportive of, be accountable to, and make sacrifices for trans, queer & femme folks.

What harm was done?

I preface this section by naming that in a meeting to resolve an issue in July 2020, I begged in tears to the kasamas of my local team to value communicating and inquiring directly in a comradely manner if they have concerns about another kasama. I begged for them to value inquiring directly rather than making assumptions, conjectures and gossiping. I told them that this was an important practice to me because gossip, assumptions & conjectures were all-too-common behaviors I have experienced and seen others experience, both inside & outside of our community. I had to beg for this resolution because no matter how respectfully and repeatedly I tried to address matters, I continued to experience constant toxic behavior from Kasama W since 2019. I also experienced repeated slander from this kasama, which I had to resolve throughout January to June 2020.

In our settler-colonial capitalist society, we have witnessed the constant decay of our relations, our humanity, and our behavior towards each other. This caused me to aspire for purposeful bonds that are built by our daily organizing. I joined the ND Movement aspiring for a society of greater discernment beyond gossip, slander, libel and triangulation, which are devices of fascist intelligence operatives, imperial propagandists & colonial ideologues.

Context:

the times I reached out to my entire group and to individuals about my health and other circumstances were sincere, yet to my disappointment, they were ignored

In 2021, I was active for the youth & student sector of our National Democratic organizing in San Francisco with the goal of building up the leadership of Anakbayan San Francisco (now Anakbayan City College of San Francisco). Since 2015, I diligently led the effort to establish this chapter, despite several misdirections of our leadership throughout those years. After working tirelessly for years, codeveloping our organizational infrastructure & educational material to help optimize ABSF’s future operations, I planned to gradually transition out of the organization and serve the movement in a new capacity in 2021, in consultation with our leadership.

In July of that year, I was set to enter my first year teaching in the public high school I was proud to graduate from, where there was an unprecedented amount of possibilities to integrate our organizing. I was also concurrently entering my graduate studies to earn my teaching credential and my master’s in education, all while being a teacher. And unfortunately since February of that year, our household had gained a new sublet who was taking advantage of me as the master tenant by being hostile, not paying rent & utilities, and forcing me to cover the difference.

The Harm

On March 5th, 2021, I received a memo that was previously disseminated to and reviewed by the leadership of the ND organizations of San Francisco. It was written by a kasama, Z, who was designated to lead our overall local organizing, and who I worked closely with. Kasama Z wrote the memo in collaboration with the two other leading kasamas of our organizing team, W and B. In this memo, Z requested an investigation process on me regarding 10 allegations they made of these natures: that I harmed people in our organizations & in our community, and that I was enacting opportunism by using my influence in the organizing space for personal gain, or to boost my artistic endeavors. Before receiving this published memo, not a single kasama ever inquired with me about these allegations they made about me – with their suspicions apparently spanning 1.5 years.

It was later revealed that the leading kasamas did not consult the people they alleged that I harmed, nor did they ever talk to them. Yet they created allegations based on certain events they heard about and projected on. The people who were allegedly harmed were not centered in the process. They were not consulted or communicated with at all. They did not know that there was an accountability process in their name. Two of the people the kasamas named were harmed, were still good friends of mine. They once in a while asked me how I was doing. Because of this accountability process, I was respectfully sparing in my communication with them. After finally having longer catch-up conversations with each of the two people, realizing they were not aware of the accountability process in their name, I ended up breaking the news of this process with them. They each were surprised. They each confirmed with me in the Fall of 2022 that there were no allegations they were concerned with or needed accountability for.

As a justice-oriented community organizer who strives to be an ally to my kinfolk who are more vulnerable and marginalized, I greatly value accountability. Battling opportunism is precisely one of the main values that made want to be an organizer. I appreciate it when folks feel comfortable to call me in. The harm I am identifying however, is my kasamas’ practice of triangulation and defamation under the guise of vigilance and accountability.

The leading Kasama Z, along with W & D, weaponized and created allegations out of my sharings with them in our mutually vulnerable conversations. They made allegations based on 36 significant pieces of false information; much of which came from assumptions, mischaracterizations, gossip, hearsay, second or third hand information, and details used out of context. In the investigation process, there were 7 conjectures made by the mediators – much of which were based on the false information. There were also 15 statements or significant pieces of information given that were readily accepted in the process but actually required more investigation, clarification or validation. By making 10 allegations about me using false information and conjectures, there was a premise set that I had a character that was beyond defense, reason or conversation; that I was a person who no longer deserved comradeship, friendship or any interaction at all; that I should be warned against or even banned from community events; that my attempts to clarify or present evidence of the false allegations were attempts to manipulate or gaslight people instead of simply presenting the truth, especially as a kasama. If other kasamas did their due diligence to investigate this matter without jumping to conclusions, they would find out that each and every one of the allegations are unfounded.

Kasamas would also find out that I had been comradely and compassionate towards all people named in the allegations, all of my kasamas, and truly all people I come across. Being humble, gentle, delicate and openminded is a conduct I value, and I hope this is reflected in this letter, as well as peoples’ memories of their direct experiences with me, however early or recent.

In their memo they spread about me, Kasama Z made allegations regarding events they were suspicious about in as early as September 2019 – a year and a half before the memo they sent our community in March 2021. Yet throughout that time, they worked closely with me, stayed over as a guest at my apartment, kept me as a good friend to them & their family, considered asking to stay at my apartment for an extended period during their July 2020 emergency, and they never once inquired with me about their suspicions. I will respectfully say that throughout that time, it was actually Kasama Z who was ironically flirty and touchy with me. They have several times said suggestive things towards me, which I gently and politely turned down or did not reciprocate. Additionally, Kasama Z normalized conversations of romance and intimacy with me. They opened up to me about their past romances, relationships and intimate experiences. This made me comfortable to also share some of my experiences, as if we were having safe conversations among kasamas. I did not know that they would later on weaponize my sharings about me, and use them as allegations. Conversely, I have always kept confidential this kasama’s confidential information about their romantic and intimate relations.

In September 2022, I was able to confirm that the leading Kasamas Z, W and D, did not ever talk to the people they said I harmed. It took me over a year to confirm this because in the investigation process, I respected the request not to speak with the people I allegedly affected. Even after the investigation process was halted, and even when we were still friends based on our direct interactions with each other, I was minimal in communicating with the people I allegedly affected. It was after each of my friends who I allegedly affected reached out to me several times throughout the next year and a half, asking how I had been, that I was prompted to apologize to them if I ever made them feel uncomfortable. They were each surprised about my apology, so I told them that I underwent an accountability process regarding events that involved them. They each told me that they never asked for accountability on any events, nor did they know such an accountability process was happening in their name. One of them, H, wrote a note about feeling uncomfortable that her experiences were being discussed but not coming directly from her. Please find this note in the [section]. The other friend E was also willing to write a letter regarding the matter.

[this next paragraph will be moved to the “debunking allegations” section]

The person who wrote this note below, H, told me that she worried that I might have liked her. She told me that she talked about this speculation with Z. We have since clarified in December 2019 that we were just friends, and that there was no romantic intent between us. Yet Kasama Z claimed I said suggestive things toward H, and that I was the cause of H’s exit from our organization. The truth of the matter is that H who is Viet, told me she wanted to join our organization to learn how to facilitate for another CCSF organization she started. She told me in August 2019 that she planned to exit our organization by the end of October that year. This is precisely what she did. At the end of October, H, Z, most of our organization and I, even acknowledged this at a celebratory moment during our Halloween fundraiser event.

[ photo of Eira’s message here ]

Throughout 2021-2024, my repeated verbal and written accounts on the matters named in this letter were met with avoidance, skepticism, or were not believed at face value. I also submitted written accounts in 2021 and 2023. I did not get a reply to my 2023 claims, after more clarification came. Throughout this period, I did my best to be receptive of any criticisms kasamas gave me on how best to deliver my concerns, and I implemented any changes they suggested for me. I did my best to be receptive, gracious and patient with what I knew from the beginning were false allegations. Kasamas often stonewalled me.

In the letter I sent to my kasamas in May 2023, I shared my messages with clear accounts, and I requested for accountability & resolutions from harmful experiences in 2021, as well as the prior years leading up to that period. I asked my kasamas to compare the memo for investigation, to their direct conversations with the women they alleged I affected, as well as all the evidence I presented to them about their allegations. I asked our kasamas to follow up with a unity we made in a 2021 meeting, noted as a follow-up item: “For JT and other team leaders to conduct further inquiry with all the women who’s been harmed, learn from the perspectives of the women who’s been harmed, and self-criticize to the women on the weaknesses of the local organizing, and help the women sum up their own experiences and lessons.” If the women’s testimonies as well as the evidence I presented, show that the allegations made were false, I asked the kasamas to acknowledge the defamation and clarify the matter with all people who were affected by or exposed to the defamation. The kasamas responded in October 2023 and told me that the matters I raised in my letter to them were no longer actionable because too much time has passed since I left ND organizations in 2021, when a defamatory process in a time of crisis left me no choice but to leave my organization. Nevertheless, the matters I raised then continue to cause concern and harm today, with no resolution. Furthermore, the complete truths of the matters raised in 2021, did not reveal themselves until the Fall of 2022.

Kasamas Z, W and D, committed libel by writing in a memo their allegations against me based on false or fabricated information, spreading this memo to the leadership of different organizations throughout San Francisco, and never once inquiring with me about their suspicions. Leaders in ND organizations continue to slander me by telling people in many communities that I am part of, that “there are concerns about me from the organizing space,” that “I am unaware of how I impact people,” as well as many labels or characterizations that they have freely spread, yet did not give any context or qualification for. During our investigation, it was made clear that the process would be confidential, yet after the investigation, rumors about me were spread with many people I came across throughout many different spaces since August 2021.

As a consistently active organizer who communicated with my team on a daily basis, I was not aware that I was in question, nor did I know that there were disputes in information regarding events that happened in 2016-2019, around 1.5-5 years before the blindsiding memo and investigation process requested about me. Rather than discussing these matters with me in a comradely manner within our supposedly secure and democratic space, our local leaders bypassed direct inquiry, and declared their suspicions as allegations. They alerted our San Francisco leadership of these allegations, and started an investigation process on me, effectively cornering me into a position where I was forced to recall & contextualize upon the judgment of an audience, my very personal experiences of the events in question that none of them were involved in.

Our first and only in-person deliberation meeting was tense. I was the only one there who had a personal account of the allegations against me, while I was in a room full of people who were shocked at what they read about me from the memo that my kasamas wrote. I was as shocked as they were. My relationship to all my kasamas seemed to be fundamentally changed at that point. It was awkward to have to defend myself in front of over seven other kasamas who spoke with certainty regarding their judgments on allegations about me that they had no direct involvement with. It was awkward to have to address the allegations coated with false information, while having to prove that I wasn’t simply trying to revise details or gaslight the accusers. The information that they used as the basis for this investigation were from assumptions, gossip and hearsay. They held primary the second & third hand information they received. They shared misinformation, selected information out of context, mischaracterized the nature of particular events, jumped to accusations rather than inquiry, and accepted their conjectures as fact. To this day, I speculate whether the false information was cultivated from a bad game of telephone mixed with personal biases, or from the clear intent to defame and harm me, or a blend of both.

throughout the years I’ve had to internally ask myself: ‘are we even on the same side?’. I’ve had to reason and give folks the benefit of the doubt: ‘maybe they’re just like that with everyone’, ‘maybe they’re managing too many things, which causes them to have many blindsides’

While there was no direct inquiry with the allegedly affected, the mediating kasamas of the March-August 2021 investigation process used correlative logic to judge that I did not act malicious, yet I harmed or affected women while being oblivious of how I impacted them. They characterized me as someone who processes slowly – not acknowledging that I had to untangle the assumptions, conjectures, gossip and misinformation they have spread throughout our compartmentalized groups. They judged that I held my experiences as primary over the experiences of women. Their logic was that there were too many allegations against me, which meant that there seems to be a pattern of many women having negative experiences with me, regardless of my intentions. I hold to the basic rule of logic that “correlation does not imply causation.” There was already a correlation being made about my dynamic with women, but there foremost must have been a gathering of primary sources by inquiring with the women allegedly affected. There should have been an examination of whether this correlation is even true, or if it is based on selective information.

I disagree that I am slow to process. Rather, I was often too polite to say the obvious parts out loud: that kasamas either exercised poor discernment, unprincipled communication, and made judgements without getting basic facts of the matter correct, or kasamas were deliberate in their defamation of me. I also was trying to protect the compartmentalized nature of our organizing; several of the incidents listed in the allegations were actually caused by our leading kasamas. They seem to forget that I took the fall for them in incidents that happened as early as 2015, to protect our practice of compartmentalization. I was often taken advantage of for my politeness. I had to learn to become more assertive, so that decisions and narratives in our organization would not collateralize me.

Mel can say that I process things slow, but try to articulate when everything you say is dissected, you’re always being asked to respond in the context of an accusation against u, kasamas don’t know how you’ve been doing or don’t remember the things you check in with them about, you have to protect and compartmentalize everyone’s identity, you have to use codes, everyone is confused about which codes are for who, and information is passed about through a game of telephone

From the first incident in 2015, to 2019-2021, to this period after leaving the ND Organizing in 2021-2026, I in my politeness have preferred to forgive and not make a deal out of the situation. I had hoped that the passage of time would allow us to soften our hearts, move on to new matters, and forget these issues. However, I learned since 2021 that when a false accusation is not completely debunked, they will be weaponized against a person for years to come.

The defamation caused my isolation from much of our community, and a great decline in my health during a time of unprecendented crisis & instability. The accumulation of harm from defamation & isolation for a prolonged period caused me retraumatization from similar childhood experiences, and from toxic family & work dynamics. It caused my mental destabilization.

As I prepared for graduate school & my first year as a public high school teacher towards the end of the quarantine in 2021, and while I dealt with our sublet who put our home in danger, I was forced to make a choice. I had to choose between enduring the harmful & isolating process of my organizing team – disallowing me to talk to anyone about the allegations until our next investigation meetings which were scheduled in month-long intervals, and preserving my well-being by exiting the organization.

I wanted to enter 2021 prepared as an ND organizer, public school teacher and a graduate student, knowing the task at had was difficult. I planned to lean on my community for support with my new post. Instead, the investigation process caused me to be alone and mentally unstable as I entered my new post. The isolation, depression & anxiety continued while I was the only educator teaching and creating materials for my particular subject, high school Filipino World Language, in my school district – fighting to ensure that the program continues on. The compounding stress and volume of work caused me to drop out of graduate school 4 times. My work as an artist, my finances, my personal accounts, and my household were severely impacted.

The investigation process on me continued from March 2021 beyond. I was disallowed to talk to anyone about the process, and our meetings were held in month-long intervals. While I was assigned two mediators, Kasama P and Kasama H, who I could reach while the investigation process on me continued, I remembered that they co-wrote the conjectures about me based on the false evidence. The trust was already broken and I could not fully confide in them about how I was truly doing. I was uncertain whether I would be believed. I wondered whether they would further weaponize my personal sharings against me.

I told them that I was experiencing lack of sleep, depression and anxiety. I told them that I considered leaving the organization, especially as my first year as a teacher and graduate student approached in July 2021. The mediators without hesitation accepted my desire to leave the organization. They said they were ready to process my exit, and that they just needed my confidential files on our organization. It seemed they were fed up with me. Perhaps they already believed the allegations on me, and felt I should have just admitted to the allegations, even though the investigation was inconclusive – especially as it excluded the women who were allegedly harmed.

In August 2021, we met to finalize my exit from the organization. I had deeply committed myself to our movement, and I never previously imagined that I would leave it. I made many sacrifices for our movement, our people and our kasamas – including for the kasamas who were involved in this investigation process. None of it seemed to matter at that point, as the allegations have completely changed how kasamas saw me. The mediating kasamas were facilitating my exit; there was no resistance.

I thought that by showing up each day at my best, I would overcome the triangulation of a few individuals. I thought that by being more deeply involved, I could work with leaders who were more principled, more studied, more practically refined of our movement. Unfortunately, I realize that the leaders are the likely the cause, or at least the enablers of the culture of triangulation.

The writing that it was time to exit our organization was long on the wall. I was at the end of my wits with our leadership and the organizing culture. I remembered feeling many times demoralized in our organizing work since 2015. The investigation process on me was started during the quarantine, after we endured deep isolation and lost many loved ones in our community. I was entering my new post as a teacher and graduate student with many difficult tasks at hand. I didn’t even get a chance to share with kasamas about the sublet who was taking advantage of me for 10 months. I realized that kasamas would not only leave me to die during a crisis – they would cause the crises that could kill me. I realized from the investigation process on me that it didn’t matter how much I showed up for our organizing, or how much direct quality time I spent with kasamas. If someone had an evil eye for me, they could overshadow the time I dedicated to our organizing just by gossiping about me and defaming me. Since 2015, defamation became a constant experience for me in ND organizing, and it was often masked as criticism. I could no longer leave my life’s work to the triangulation of kasamas who we are supposed to put our trust in. My kasamas were unbecoming of what I thought kasamas were supposed to be. They did not want me in the organization. It only made sense to leave.

____ ____ ____ ____ ____

It was truly damaging that after experiencing repeated defamation and abusive behavior in 2020, I experienced a new level of defamation in 2021 – especially since like many kasamas, I made large sacrifices to make myself available for our organizing work for over a decade. I have much room to improve as an organizer, but I gave our work many of my mornings, evenings and weekends. I responded to many emergencies throughout those years. I always made sure folks were fed, supported and safely home from our events. I took on the role of chaperone and gave hundreds of rides home to kasamas, our youth & our elders, even when it meant that I had to search for rare street parking late at night in San Francisco. I made sacrifices to move back to San Francisco and remain there, even as my housing options were insecure, and as kasamas made my housing situation more difficult throughout 2015-2021. I chose to become a Filipino World Language instructor at the high school where I first got involved in organizing, precisely to work with other kasamas in our community and be of service to our movement. I was diligent in my studies, and in co-facilitating educational discussions. I arranged my entire life to be in service to our movement. I was committed to contributing everything I could to help advance our movement for the rest of my life. Kasamas alleged that I used the movement to gain opportunities, when truthfully, I sacrificed many artistic, career and life opportunities to be present for our movement. I trusted our leadership with my life. I trusted the processes of our organizations. I relied on them to be an extension of my integrity to the struggle. I had no intentions of becoming inactive. With all that we put at stake to advance and protect the integrity of this movement, I expected kasamas to be kasamas.

Concurrently, my household dealt with two great challenges in 2021 onwards:

1. In February-November 2021, we lived with a housemate who took advantage of me by purposefully not paying rent and utilities, accessing private spaces in our apartment without our consent, being antagonistic with our household, and leaving me responsible for the unpaid rent as the master tenant, totaling $11,250 over 10.5 months in 2021 alone. It turned out that this person was addicted to crystal meth. Their use of this drug may have been a main cause for their irrational, manipulative and confrontational nature.

2. Our landlord was actively trying to remove us from our rent-controlled apartment. He was antagonistic with me, and he made many false accusations of me. In 2021-2025, he set up over 50 repair appointments in our apartment which I had to leave work to be present for, and I had to clean up after every single job. The landlord’s incompetent contractor left us with recurring and unresolved issues of habitability: leaks on our ceilings, clogged drains, broken and old amenities. From 2021 to 2025, our household had many gaps with finding a third housemate because of our apartment’s issues of habitability, and because I was overwhelmed with the work & school responsibility. I also became mentally destabilized from the stress brought by my cancellation from our community, and because this was a period where many people in our community died in a relatively short span of time. I, as the master tenant of the apartment, had to pay for two spaces in our apartment. I had to cover a total of $36,900 for the second space throughout 2021 to 2025. Fortunately, the SF Emergency Rental Assistance Program helped me with $15,000 of this cost.

When the covid-19 quarantine ended in Fall 2021, instead of finally reconnecting with my community after 1.5 years of physical isolation, instead of being able to ask my community for support with my first year as a teacher & graduate student, or support regarding my housemate, the defamation caused me to be isolated, insular, and to deal with the problems alone. It caused me great anxiety to attend community events where ND leaders were present. I began leaving events, simply staying home, or going some place else. When I shared events that also involved ND leaders and organizers, I experienced stonewalling or passive aggressiveness. This was my experience with over 60 individual ND organizers who I never had direct conversations with about these matters. People who used to express excitement and familiarity upon seeing me, started to hide under their hats, hide behind columns or other people, ignore me or get cold with me, even when I had basic logistical questions to ask them during events. From the Fall of 2021 to this day, I have experienced this behavior around once to five times a month. I experienced this behavior in community events such as weddings; memorials for loved ones I hoped to mourn for alongside my community; court hearings for the justice of a loved one who was murdered; political activities I have been involved in for over a decade; demonstrations that relate to my community, my well-being, and the future of my job. This issue caused rifts in relationships within our interwoven communities, as well as risking the security of our organization. Furthermore, this issue has socially, financially and logistically impacted the many who rely on my well-being, as well as my participation in our household, our family & our community.

[ photo of Ashe Ceramics’ message to me the night before Zoe’s memorial, with context ]

the anxiety of being in an investigation and deliberation of whether or not I should even be in local teams anymore, especially after all the life and labor I dedicated to it – turning down my passion & calling in my particular talents to serve the org, became too much. having separate meetings over months and being uncertain what people’s decision will be, then be met with such hostility on June 23, was too much

I have since the summer of 2019 told my local team that I plan to focus on being a high school teacher. I wanted to leave the MO at a healthy place for generations to come, and transition out of there to have a clear mind for my first year as a high school teacher

I have long lost the energy to defend or clarify myself, even if I feel your judgments of me are unfair. I have accepted that we are not fit to engage in a struggle, let alone be in any working capacity together

insufficiently informed conclusions

What is the possible motive for the harm?

I speculate that the leadership of our local organizing was acting out of retaliation from my effort to address the harmful behaviors I experienced from them.

I tried to address incidents when Kasama W hit me, cussed me out, wished hurtful things for me, gossiped about me, and many such toxic attitudes towards me.

I collectivized to my group that Kasama Z’s parents had been reaching out to me for months, wanting to know their whereabouts; this upset Kasama Z.

I speculate that kasamas were trying to deflect past the criticisms I gave our organizing group, both regarding interpersonal behavior, and the bureaucratic*, mechanical & transactional nature of our organizing. I speculate that because I often raised questions or concerns around decisions made in our group, they acted with the motive to quell any discourse or dissent in local team decision-making, or acted with the motive to gain favorable positions within the movement.

I speculate that regional leader Kasama B had her premeditated ideas on how she saw our organizing group operating (who was to lead, who was to be removed, etc) instead of cultivating genuine dialectical exchanges with all her kasamas.

I tolerated Tobi’s toxicity and was mindful of picking the best possible moments to give her feedback precisely because I wanted to help build up her confidence, not tear it down. Tobi herself even said many times throughout the years we were in daily contact that I should tell her if she’s ever doing too much

in my time with Yenyen, it always felt like she was inspecting me

constant microaggressiveness

I felt contempt

I outlined the bases for these possible motives in my full 2023 letter to them. If readers have any inquiry about these motives, I am happy to provide more information upon request.

*By bureaucratic, I mean the manipulation of power dynamics by a few leaders so that decisions will benefit their interests and ideals, while creating the illusion of implementing democratic processes or fair deliberations. These leaders also choose which issues, concerns, unities or tasks they would like to follow up with, and deflect away from the ones they do not favor. This bureaucratic leadership style manifests into commandism: leaders impose particular campaigns and initiatives out of their own projection, or from assuming the willingness and readiness of their community without enough inquiry. These forms of manipulation have long caused the local ND organizing style to be formulaic, performative, clinical and extractive. I believe that this trend is a big reason why, while there are new generations joining ND organizations, there is also a lot of turnover as many experienced ND members continue to leave.

Here is some important context to consider around the timeline of the March 5th, 2021 memo of investigation on me. I surmise that kasamas intended to deflect away from being accountable to their behaviors by starting this investigation process on me. I surmise that they were retaliating after I was asking them to be accountable:

1.) In May-July 2020, I requested accountability from Kasama W for the toxic behaviors of hitting, cussing out, passive aggressiveness, gossiping and slandering towards me. Before Kasama W tried to get me cancelled, they tried to cancel their sister and two other new members in our organization. They also got noticeably passive aggressive some of our other members. While giving Kasama W grace as a 20 year-old at the time, and while considering that perhaps their attempted bullying came from a sense of their developing familial comfort with me, I gently tried to hold them accountable as a kasama. I had in soft but direct ways, appealed to them throughout 2018-2019 to change these behaviors.

I will forever cherish being this kasama’s first link to the ND Movement, as I was able to invite them to our initial community meeting to build ABSF. I appreciate their later sharing that I felt like the older sibling they wish they had in their family. I will forever relish that they created a fan page of my band, promoted us, and truly loved our music. At the same time, because I cared about our relationship so much, I coud not simply coddle them. I wanted us to have a healthy dynamic, which could only come through conflict-resolution.

In September 2020, after learning that I hadn’t been sleeping because my cat was missing for over 3 days, Kasama W told me they wished my cat had died. I was devastated by what they said. After experiencing prolonged toxic behaviors from them, I told them that I no longer had the capacity to talk to them outside of organizing matters. They apologized to me about the matter. I was wary that their apology did not feel sincere, and at some point, they might retaliate against me.

The irony that Kasama W has many times hurt me, yet easily became the victim by raising flags about me, hasn’t escaped me. Kasama W just needed to raise flags against me; no validation was needed – only identity politics. They threatened to get me cancelled throughout 2018-2019, until they started slandering me in 2020. For trying to respectfully, earnestly and vunerably ask for accountability & resolution from Kasama W, I was accused by Kasama B as the patriarchal older male who is undermining the leadership of a younger female kasama.

I was not trying to undermine kasama’s leadership. I tried to say in multiple ways that we need our strongest youth mass leader to help us be more integrated in our local area by strategizing together on connecting with student groups, departments and key individuals who, despite school being closed, were doing mutual aid work during the pandemic and calling for help around defending their department budgets. even individuals like Lily-Ann were reaching out for help throughout 2020. I thought the relationship with Lily-Ann could have been stronger in 2020 leading up to the 2021 budget cuts. we could have been a more significant mass org in support of Phil Studies, AOM’ing through that effort, rather than responding to the crisis in March 2021.

2.) Kasama Z was upset at me for collectivizing an issue in our group: After some family tension in around August 2020, Kasama Z moved away from their family home, withholding their whereabouts from their parents. From August 2020 to March 2021 (even a week after I received the memo of investigation about me), Kasama Z’s parents had been contacting me almost daily, looking for Kasama Z. I had informed Kasama Z of every single time their parents contacted me, looking for them. I had offered Kasama Z help around the situation. I trusted that they had a process for resolving it. In February 2021, Kasama Z’s parents even visited my home unannounced, with their mother collapsing on her knees crying to me, asking me to do anything to help her find her daughter Kasama Z. This prompted me to finally collectivize to our group that this was happening. Kasama Z became upset at me for exposing their issue to our group. I apologized to them about the collectivization. Since those events, they stopped talking to me outside of our formal meetings.

3.) I had criticisms of our bureaucratic, mechanical and transactional organizing which were ignored under the dictates of regional leader Kasama B, channeled through our local leader Kasama Z. My personal observation is that our organizing culture – which was more communicative and dynamic in 2018-2019, started becoming divisive and bureaucratic when Kasama B started leading our group in 2020-2021. Kasama B was transferred in to guide our group in 2020. She did not take the time to try to get to know us, build a relationship or any trust with us. Because she was a regional leader, the assumption was that we were to simply follow her guidance on how our organization should run, if we were to be successful. We had no say over her arrival in our group.

“Don’t tell a lie about me, and I won’t tell the truth about you.” – James Brown

Signs that foreshadowed the harm

Though I never expected there to be an investigation process requested on me, I did see some foreshadowing that kasamas would resort to this course of action:

In one Fall evening of 2019, I was conversing with Kasama Z when they lamented about a particular period in around 2017-2018. They were a member in a neighboring student organization, and this organization decided to expel one of their male members for allegations of sexual opportunism, as well as abusive behavior against another member. They expressed having regrets around this situation because they said there was no process done to fully understand the allegations against the member. Throughout 2018-2019, Kasama Z had involved this person in our organizing work. It puzzled me that Kasama Z continued to involve this person in our work for almost two years before sharing that there were serious allegations against him. I asked Kasama Z if there will ever be a restorative process around the situation, but the matter was left inconclusive.

In late January 2021, a month before the blindsiding memo, Kasama B, in trying to mediate the issues between Kasama W and I, asked me pointed and probing questions like “do you have challenges working with women?” To which, I would have incriminated myself if I said “yes,” even if I meant that I’ve had challenges working with individuals who happen to be women. And I would have sounded like I was in denial if I said “no.” This pointed question excludes the context that most people I grew up with, live with, work with and spend time with are women & femmes. Or the fact that I grew up in a relatively matriarchal family with my mother and my aunties leading our traditions and family affairs. I told Kasama B that I focus on the actions, decisions and behaviors of people instead of being attached to ideas of who they are supposed to be, based on their identity.

A week later, I talked to Kasama Z about my grievances with Kasama W’s continued passive aggressiveness, and their antagonistic interpretations of how I executed a basic task that was assigned to me that week. Later in that conversation, I told Kasama Z about Kasama B’s pointed question towards me. I asked them if they also feel that I have challenges working with women. They told me “I need you to sleep on it” then ended our phone conversation without explaining what they meant by their statement. This series of events showed me that something strange was in the air. There seemed to be a correlation being made about me. This series of events was a foreshadowing of what my kasamas had in store for me, though the memo for my investigation was much more drastic than anything I could imagine.

During the investigation on me, I couldn’t dispute the allegations because I hadn’t heard from the women allegedly affected, and I didn’t know that everyone else in the room hadn’t either. It would have been arrogant of me to question the allegations at that time, so I listened and accepted the criticisms, assuming that the women allegedly affected, truly did express feeling harmed by me. I trusted that the kasamas were giving their due diligence to investigate this matter with integrity, clarity & principle. If I questioned the allegations then, I would have reinforced the judgment that I was oblivious of how I affect women, and that I held primary my experiences over theirs.

“Combat Liberalism” by Mao Tse-tung is a foundational text that our organizations read. Our San Francisco leadership committed a type of liberalism written in this text: “To indulge in irresponsible criticism in private, instead of actively putting forward one’s suggestions to the organization. To say nothing to people in their faces, but to gossip behind their backs, or to say nothing at a meeting but to gossip afterwards. To show no regard at all for the principles of collective life but to follow one’s own inclination.” If my kasamas had suspicions of me or speculations about me, they could have inquired with me about them, either amongst those of us who aware of the matter, or even at our local chapter meeting, if need be. It was harmful to avoid direct inquiry with me, then publish a memo about me – fabricating information and language to incriminate me by.

Yen and Win made it worse because instead of mediating and playing a more objective role, they sided with Tobi, isolating me from the group, and not actually resolving the issue at the root, especially when I was not only willing to resolve the issues, but actively pursuing a resolution.

Why does this issue matter to our movement? What is at stake?

I write this letter because our Bay Area community is deeply interwoven, and we will likely further lean on each other in times of strife, chaos and isolation. Since 2020, we weathered through the covid-19 quarantine, several local and international calamities, as well as several sociopolitical upheavals. We have celebrated new births in our community. We have also grieved the deaths of our loved ones – whether they were close to us, or they simply shared our communities. Since 2020, I continue to grieve the death of 37 loved ones I personally knew in my immediate communities: 11 of whom I spent a meaningful amount of time with, 4 of whom I was quite close to, 7 were in my family, and 15 are woven within our ND organizing community. We’ve gone through chaotic and trying times of grief and mourning. These past several years more than ever, we needed to grow stronger together rather than be divided over very resolvable issues. In these times, I value trusting and responsive connections – especially during critical events like births, deaths and urgent matters. I’m certain we all have seen how powerful we are when we are united, and how much we regress when we’re divided. In the words of revolutionary poet Mila D Aguilar, “a comrade is as precious as a rice seedling.”

the defamation and triangulation has been harmful for me, but it does a greater harm to our social fabric. in our division, only those who seek to conquer us are the victors. I have done my best to make up the difference and come to a unity. I hope that those responsible will take accountability and fulfill my call to action

I intend to communicate this open letter as someone who: still deeply cares for the movement; still wholeheartedly believes in its aspirations for the sovereignty, democracy and liberation of the Philippines; is still active towards advancing its aspirations by any means; and as someone who internalizes the importance of unity. By unity, I mean genuinely building trust, reaching a deeper level of understanding on issues of contention, and advancing the struggle for our people’s liberation together. As fascism continues to grow, as ecocidal and genocidal wars against our planet continue to escalate, the future of our liberation – as well as each step we’ve taken towards progress, is at stake. I still have faith in the National Democratic Movement, its political line, its aspiration to be a solution for the Filipino people, and its aspiration to be a driving force in the International Proletarian Revolution. If we are to overcome the fascists of our society who are abundant in stolen wealth, power, privilege, influence & weaponry, we need to build solidarity and come together as people from all walks for the cause of democracy, justice, liberation & progress. We begin this process by being accountable, building trust and deepening our understanding of each other. I hope that this letter reignites or continues such a process.

How our ND leadership addresses organizational matters like this issue, sets a precedent for the movement’s practices around receptiveness, conflict-resolution and organizing culture. It is the seed of how ND organizations implement systems of discernment and justice. There will be no National Democratic Revolution if totally resolvable issues like these fester instead of heal and educate. We will be increasingly vulnerable to fascist counter-intelligence operatives.

The absence of resolutions to this issue continues to propagate cancel culture. It causes fear & estrangement to our interrelations, as well as several spaces of trust and safety that we steward in our community. It creates doubt in initiatives and communal projects that rely on our relationships of confidence, effectively collapsing these initiatives and projects. Cancel culture does not just harm the people directly involved; it poisons the social climate of communities, especially in times of rising fascism where trust is much more essential. I have personally observed cancel culture existing in our ND organizing since 2015. In these urgent times, there is the call to move fast. Yet the pace of genuine progress requires us to move at the speed of trust.

The effects of this unresolved issue on our community and myself

As someone who has labored as a poet, educator and activist in the San Francisco Bay Area for the last 20 years, and as someone who has organized with the ND Movement for 11 out of the last 20 years, the trust collectively cultivated in my community was repeatedly questioned because of the triangulation, slander and libel committed by our ND leaders.

ND leaders said that the investigation process they entered me in would remain confidential, yet throughout the last 5 years, I have heard from multiple people in multiple spaces that even organizers who never had any contentious interactions with me, have begun to keep away from me from rumors of “concerns in the organizing space.” In recent years, I have reached out to these organizers to inquire about their concerns, and many of them did not respond to me. I can only deduce that these concerns are regarding the slanderous investigation process from the ND space. This vague naming of “concerns” may keep confidential the details of certain situations, but it in effect is causing defamation by calling attention to concerns that are mysterious and have no resolution. It leaves people to speculate on the nature of the matters, to question the trust we built, and out of safety, avoid further interactions with me, or avoid participation spaces that include me. It has triggered people to hear that I may have done some harmful things to femmes, not knowing the information was false.

Over 60 of my relationships in the community became estranged, including my dear relationships with former youth who I cherished being a mentor of. While there was no inquiry with me, I was automatically banned or estranged from events throughout the years.

Even my friends who have nothing to do with this situation, have been avoided by ND organizers in our community. My friends have called me about these instances. I can only guess that my friends are being avoided for being connected to me.

After hearing rumors about this issue, I was brought into exhausting accountability circles by the stewards of some spaces I was part of, even when they were not ND-affiliated spaces. I was asked about the nature of the vague concerns. I attended several accountability circles throughout the years – the most recent one being late April 2025.

On my way to a dinner gathering in 2023, I heard that concerns about me were shared with the organizers of the dinner, which made people question their safety. This caused me to get off my carpool ride halfway towards the event, and spend my night alone at a cafe instead.

In 2024, I was banned from the memorial of a loved one in our community who was tragically murdered, even though the community around our loved one is separate from the ND organizing community. I was banned after I was spotted by an ND organizer, Kasama Q, during a previous memorial for our loved one.

After experiencing isolation throughout 2020-2021, many of my relationships which were previously amicable, were clearly estranged. Instead of warm “hello’s” and moments of gratitude after a long period of isolation during the quarantine, ND organizers and our mutual connections throughout these last 5 years avoided me, walked away from me, or physically hid from me. Invitations I received in our community for collaborations, performances and other opportunities were rescinded after the organizers heard about the concerns that ND organizers spread about me. It broke my heart to, after years of physical isolation, come across my former youth in festivals, community events, schools, public spaces, and be fearfully avoided instead of sharing the excitement we had for each other right before the quarantine.

One hurtful estrangement was my abrupt and unexplained exit from Anakbayan San Francisco (ABSF), the organization I diligently and intentionally co-established & stewarded. The launching of this organization was a culmination of a six-year effort I led, even as it was often misguided by the bureaucracy of our ND leadership. I was asked to abruptly exit from ABSF without being able to share any context or reason behind my exit. Soon after, I was banned by ND leaders from the social media account of the organization.

in many ways my overall experience with ND organizing, the wariness of being judged, gossiped about or projected on, as well as this issue where totally clarifiable situations turn into a decade of defamation; the totality of this has taken away the joy, confidence and spirit of my work as a cultural worker, organizer and educator.

I tried to build as close a relationship as possible with you all. I introduced you to my loved ones, invited you to my home – welcomed you yo use it, whether for just a stop, or a safe space overnight. I invited y’all to everything I did. I incorporated all the lessons and calls in our conversations to all aspects of my life. I tried to embody what it means to be a proletarian int’l fighting for the nat’l democracy of our far away homeland in the context of being able to sustain reasonably in an actively and passively violent city as SF

Addressing the Gossip and Allegations with Truth

I will not make any presumptive correlations here, but I have heard from LN members about Sisa’s conduct, particularly with males. I am not assuming that Sisa is being antagonistic with me because of my identity – I truly don’t know. However, I have heard about several accusations Sisa has made, conflicts she has been in, and passive aggressive actions she has commited towards several people, mostly males, in her organizing work. In 2016, I was already wary of my interaction with her because I saw the nature of her social media posts, bashing & generalizing males.

She even asked me repeatedly about why I didn’t want sex as much as she did. She asked whether or not I masturbated or watched porn, and how frequently I did so. She asked me not to do any of those things so that we can have more sex. It felt to me that her need for more affection was mainly about appeasing her insecurities rather than the growth of our relationship, which made me feel uncomfortable for a long period. We were not having as much sex as she prefered because I was being overworked at my full-time job, I was committed to our organizing work, and we were both committed to our art.

I was accused of asking ABSF members to complete my personal tasks as political tasks

I know Tobi and Win both are experiencing DV and challenges with males in their families, and I hoped that their experience with me as a comrade would be an alternative one. towards the end of 2019, Tobi even said they felt we had a sibling relationship that they wish they had with their brother. I know y’all are going through challenges, but I also have to stand up for myself when I am getting bullied. it doesn’t matter how young the other person is; it is not ok to act towards me like that

I wanted us to actively support Phil Studies Dept as ABSF throughout 2020 leading up to the March 2021 budget cut, rather than dropping in to support the department in March 2021

at every turn, I have been aboveboard and did my best to understand why kasamas took certain courses of action. however, it felt like every opportunity to be antagonistic towards me was taken. I recall some sessions when I was talking to leadership, clearly stressed about the year-long antagonism from Tobi, and one of them was calling out how upset I appeared when none of them even ever have their cameras on when we talk

blanket statements like ‘harmed several women in several spaces’ is sloppy verbiage that creates assumptions and antagonization

Marcos might think that I’m tryna find the right words so that I could get away with wrongdoings, but from my perspective, assumptions were repeatedly placed in the wrong context to accuse me of of things I didn’t do

More related experiences to the culture of gossip within the Bay Area ND Movement

I asked if we could talk to come to an understanding and gain some clarity. Kasama P expressed that I seem to be trying to change their minds, that I'm being defensive, or that I am externalizing potential harms caused by my behavior. She seems to have accepted that the allegations against me are true, and that no misinformation was shared. Her family claims that I was crossing their boundaries by reaching out for a conversation. They seem to not think that sharing misinformation about very confidential parts of my life and using this information to create false allegations are ways that my boundaries were crossed.

Kasama P says that I continue to externalize blame. Perhaps I've been too polite in the past to name the obvious part out loud; I've been too polite to more assertively address the matters she is referring to, but I can no longer take any more falls. I cannot simply accept false accusations and admit to alleged actions I did not commit. Kasama P has judged that I am externalizing blame while asserting false accusations against me. She makes such judgments, yet she does not want to evaluate the basic information regarding the allegations. She and her husband refuse to talk to me directly, and would rather suppose that the second & third hand information she received were definitively true. This is either intentional, or an unfortunate incompetence that creates excessive and unnecessary harm. This is a cause of our movement’s downfall.

[ add the incident with Ray, and how he was demanding an apology for hours. he walking about how I’m lucky his gangster days were over. he openly said he wanted to beat me up. he knew I wasn’t gonna react. I knew he was emotionally manipulating me ]

they would bring up old gossip to implicate or criminalize me, similar to the PIC

one of the main reasons why Eileen and even broke up was because she’s been asking me to move to the East Bay with her for over a year, since early 2018. I told her that I personally much prefer to livw in the East Bay too, but had a role to play for the community in SF, because I grew up there and can support in many facets of work. Eileen was asking me to move with her all the way until we were decisive that we weren’t moving in a similar enough direction, so we needed to end our relationship. however, there seems to have been assumptions made in this group about our relationship and why we broke up

I was often patient with Win when she had patronizing assumptions about my past organizing, or when she misrepresented political concepts that I had to address, and she did not believe me until she validated with kasamas in leadership

it simply hurts that you have to ask for validation to believe what I am saying. perhaps the details don’t add up in your mind, but that’s because some folks have given you misinformed gossip about me, and at the same time, I have never done anything to warrant this kind of suspicion from anyone. even before this investigation, I’ve experienced moments in our work where Win and Yenyen needed the validation of other members to believe my observations regarding organizational matters. I am no longer accepting this patronizing and disrespectful attitude 

as an immigrant male of color, I’m quite familiar with what it’s like to be seen & treated discriminately, and this is something I have often felt in our spaces. I have many times felt that my words are being parsed, whether it’s political jargon, or misinterpreting my intentions. I can give you a long list of assumptions I’ve heard people in our spaces both say to me, and say about me. at some points, I knew that I would prove them wrong eventually by showing up authentically, but later on, especially after this situation, I’ve been at peace about simply not caring

Elaine said my leadership never grew. I hope you know that I always made myself available, but there was a prejudice. you blame me for how my leadership never grew, yet you limited my opportunities to become a leader

you’ve created a fear of my relationships that have been open and wholesome

collectivizing feels more like I’m reporting to a parole officer

gatekeeping, bureacracy, gossip, false allegations, petty self-interest / opportunism, gaslighting

I have made the mistake of being non confrontational and peacekeeping. I realize this was liberal, and I should have been more directly honest and challenging. I was wary of how being confrontational would make identity politics make me look patriarchal

I want to ask you to look less into identity politics and more into facts of matter. based on my sharings here, I conclude that Yenyen, Win and Tobi are either irresponsible, biased or retaliatory

Concluding Message and Resolutions

why have they chosen to punish me by cancelling me? is it truly because I have a character that is beyond reason? is it because I have been intentionally chosen to be the fall person? did an incompetent echo chamber of gossip manifest into grand illusions? or could it be a variety of reasons? I am not able to conclude. I will however reiterate that the allegations that kasamas spread about me are false. kasamas need to ammend this situation by addressing it with all people who have heard of the allegations.

I have such deep admiration and love for freedom fighters of all forms. I have a clearer appreciation for the many I’ve been able to work closely with in the ND Movement, as I’ve personally witnessed their constant dedication, struggle and sacrifice. I will always remember and cherish the many meaningful memories we shared, and the time we spent together. Being part of our ND organizing community is challenging, but I hold to the faith that no challenge is too difficult to heal from if we are truly trying to do right by each other.

I continue to do all within my humble control to be in the best possible relation to my community and all who have considered me a kasama. I will truthfully say that I have experienced deep harm in ND organizing for a long period of time. It has costed me (and the many who rely on me) a heavy amount of health, labor, time and resources. Despite this, I have in my heart, long forgiven the leadership of our organizations for their actions, regardless of whether or not they acknowledge or take accountability for their behaviors.

I have moved on to meaningful endeavors outside of ND organizing, yet I still do what I can to advance the aspirations of the ND Movement because I truly believe in its cause. Again, I hope this letter helps advance the movement in any form. Since I was seventeen years-old, I have strived to make my vocations and my daily activities dedicated to, attuned with, supportive of, or at least congruent to the values, aspirations & political line of the ND Movement. I have so much room for improvement, but I have never wavered from this commitment, even after I formally left my organizations in 2021.

It’s also awkward and stressful for me to individually reach out to people about these matters. I have no choice but to reach out because I have heard rumors of false information about me, and those who I reach out to were identified as source of the rumors. I only intend to address the rumors being spread.

I could not allow my presence to be reduced to the assumptions, projections and triangulations of kasamas in our movement.

interrogative nature of our talks rather than normal inquiry

the Bay Area leadership of the ND Movement doesn’t exercise healthy enough discernment to succeed.

they look for facts that can confirm their biases, then encase them with conclusions.

dissecting and misinterpreting what I say to confirm a bias against me

Ask for clarification before making a cancellation. Hear the gossip, but investigate further. Do not simply trust what is spreads over a game of telephone.

throughout my organizing life, I’ve been included in several meetings regarding peoples’ harmful behaviors towards each other. I know what people within the ND Movement have done towards each other. I haven’t done anything remotely close to their behaviors, yet ironically, it became easy to paint me as someone who has done unforgivable things.

I have no problem at all with people talking about me and judging me. it’s part of being in a community. my issue is when false information is spread, including things that I did not do. my issue is when details are shared out of context to paint me in a particular way. I implore anyone to ask me whether a particular thing they heard about me is true or not. I implore others to verify if they experienced any such misconduct from me

It seems like I’m the overbearing one, when I’m the person who wasn’t listened to, and had to navigate through situations when there were breakdowns in communication

there’s a pessimistic attitude towards what I say, rather than understanding the essence. there’s a good amount of fault-finding and hairsplitting on the statements or decisions I make, without understanding the full context of the situation

our space wasn’t safe. I’ve been of part of and are currently part of spaces that are much safer – where people more seemlessly give each other CSC without it feeling like a routine. they may not have the CSC framework, but they tell each other the truth and trust each other because their care for and interest in each other is genuine

no guidance with how to approach these situations, or how much I am able to even share during therapy

I seen in many forms the greatest weakness of the expansion of our movement in the US, and that is their hubris. many of our leaders do admit mistakes, but in many instances develop pride & arrogance on the basis of their success in some forms. they often fail to however grow to the scale of their projected plan because they have time and time again tried the same methods for changing conditions, and changing people

led our work with fear and suspicion

often kasamas mistaken certain actions and transactions as the most objective truth, but they miss the context of the person’s history, interests, environment and perspective 

I have throughout the years witnessed kasamas note the aspirations of the masses, but remain static about their decisions. though possibly inadvertent, kasamas essentially manipulate conditions to convince their mass members that their agendas are democratically decided ideas.

often, this group has been analyzing their contacts as targets whose progression are based on their particular responses to transactions. I have felt us lose touch of simple human connections with the masses we are organizing. the masa might not know it directly or certainly, but I have heard many of them say in several ways that they feel like a number

rather than showing genuine interest in the aspirations of our mass members and the diverse leadership qualities they bring, I’ve often seen kasamas pay lip service to their ideas – performing a formality of listening to them. yes it is important for local teams to be internally grounded in their purpose of being the vanguard for the prolet rev, but often it forgets that a foundational element of this is to engage in the true dialectical process of listening and responding to the changing conditions lived by the masses.

it is mere identity politics to think that someone couldn’t have toxic behavior just because they are a woman. it is totally understandable that a woman is guarded and protective of other women because of patriarchy. but berating someone, spreading rumours with false information about them, avoiding accountability, gaslighting them, are all toxic behaviors that this group has enabled

What lessons can we apply from this experience?

If we must change our attitude or behavior towards a person based on what we hear about them, I hope that for the practice of healthy discernment, we are also willing to hear directly from them. If we don’t learn about serious matters from multiple sources, including from differing or opposing perspectives, how do we know whether or not we are being subjected to triangulation or cult-like groupthink? Comparing information from a variance of sources is the practice of any responsible social justice activist, mediator or intellectual. The more primary the source, the better quality information.

We must keep primary the practice of comradely inquiry and discourse. We have to do better than accept superficial identity-based fears & assumptions, or gossip, as fact. Speculation cannot become conjecture, gossip cannot become evidence, correlation cannot mean causation, and projections cannot be mistaken with accepted truths.

If we as ND organizers are to continue to externally project revolutionary ideology, political militance and broad unity, we must be responsible with our interpersonal and personal dynamics. Our projection of revolutionary values must be attuned with the inner-workings of our organization. We cannot be externally projected as mass leaders while being internally manipulative. We cannot be externally militant and internally avoidant.

make conclusions from primary sources and verified evidence. do not make conclusions from correlations, gossip, hearsay, second or third hand information or misinformation

healthy discernment, especially for resistance movements, is a practice where life and death is at stake

Triangulation, slander, libel, are easy harms to commit. yet their impact can be great and prolonged. It takes exponential amounts of communication to address such behavior, depending on each person’s openness and willingness to communicate. It could take years to resolve an issue. Sometimes people who are defamed, slandered and/or libeled, are only vindicated long after their death.

I understand the intention is protection, but but using gossip as a source for spreading allegations is a manipulation that only leads to the organization's implosion.

I am aware of the recession in growth, I still remember the urgent calls to motivate, organize and mobilize in 2016 until my exit. ND leaders have to remember that a mass movement can move fast, but it can only move at the speed of trust.

Kasamas need to be kasamas by trust, and not simply by appointment.

if they are bold enough to abuse you,

they are bold enough to accuse you of abuse

class-based reductionism

There is a tendency to manipulate conditions and impede with genuine democratic processes. I have observed this tendency in several spaces throughout my time in the movement. I also observed this tendency in 2019

often, you’ve confused combating liberalism with being judgmental in a toxic way

often kasamas use the accuracy of their political jargon to assert superiority

criticisms are essential, but it important to make a sufficient inquiry. often, kasamas jump too quick to criticize without fully understanding context. when there is one response to a criticism, the other person is considered ‘defensive’. our organizations need to be spaces for discussion, debate and any form of deepening understanding among participants 

constantly penalizing me for any negative thing you hear about me, whether true or false.

how can I AOM, when I don’t know if this movement cares about me?

our leaders are often avoidant

this is an organization that preaches seeing the big picture or knowing the whole story, but its individual leaders are often myopic in their judgments and analysis. it preaches addressing internal contradictions, yet there are individual leaders who often cite external conditions for reasons why the movement has not progressed

through the years, I spent days-long conferences with people, and most of the leading organizers don’t even spend time to ask how I’m doing or get to know me. I just want to advise that it is better to know a person when you meet them, rather than go with what you hear about them, what you see in public-facing events, or what you see in social media

the leaders of the space use our supposedly democratic space for accusations and antagonism. they mistaken false allegations with criticisms

we need to improve on our masslining and local integration. we need to be genuinely active in campaigns for local communities, and not fall into the tendency of pulling willing mass activists away from the local work that attracted them to our internationalist work in the first place

it is valuable for the masses to join our ND campaigns, but it is important to first be integrated into the struggles that are most affecting and agitating them in their local area.

our goal is always to build the strongest links with the masses. however, we constantly fail to do this because albeit urgent and important, we tend to pull the masses into our campaigns & initiatives at the expense of genuinely supporting the campaigns / causes that made them interested in us to begin with. we do not pay enough attention to the mass line. we do not actually completely trust and rely on the masses. it is symptomatic of our bourgeois society that we still have the tendency to follow and avoid challenging perceived thought-leaders. we often ignore the masses’ aspirations and insist on our own. we are often afraid to accept democratically decided ideas by the masses when they differ from our initial ideas. often, members do not feel comfortable to share their ideas or challenge any ideas shared. we are afraid to allow the masses to have their dialectical process through initiatives led by them. the masa at times have ideas that are within the aims of their org’s constitution, GPOA & TP, and these are based on their SICA of our community, but we don’t quite support these because they are not our typical forms of action.

I believe in the analysis and aspirations of the NDR. however, its leadership is often too focused on metrics and transactional representations of unity & advancement, rather than valuing genuine & truly dialectical relationships with its mass members and cadres.

we did not do talambuhays. we no longer built genuine relationships with each other. we are asked to struggle and unite through our differing perspectives, but the richest, though perhaps contentious dialogues that allow for deeper unities, can only be had when members truly trust each other. we lost our trust-building

often our members share creative ideas, meaningful aspirations and even propose plans of action that actually align with our org’s consti, GPOA and TP. but because certain kasamas felt these ideas weren’t aligned with our analysis, kasamas would acknowledge these ideas and eventually dismiss them

I moved back to SF in 2015 for our organizing. I found a way to remain in SF in 2016 for our organizing

Mel and I identified how our members were resistant to doing mass work with youth. they were more willing to engage with mid-20’s women / non-binary folks, because this is their particular community. we should have helped them organize with local masa in this sector, rather than expect them to adopt a proletarian attitude of organizing a sector they no longer identify with

based on our assessments of 2015-2018, I have earnestly focused on a new local team that strengthened its flow of demcen. I pushed for our team to have a program, so that the links we built with the masa were with purpose.

however in 2020, our agendas became business-oriented, and with no collective life

What was my history like with the ND Movement?

our work was a core part of my life and my identity

I often played an auxiliary role

I often felt alone in the organizing work. People hardly checked in on how I was doing at a human level; kasamas only checked in about tasks and transactions.

after Elaine named my assignment to CCSF, I despite not living in that area or going to school there, embraced the role as a much-needed change from the turbulence of my previous local team. I also knew I could continue our efforts for YS organizing and reconnect our community in the area because I grew up in that neighborhood. I relished my new local team mates, and no I am not idealizing the fact that we did engage the masses as a small 4, 3, and for several months a 2-person group. we had constant communication, companionship and a sense of trust

I cared for ALAY and ABSF and took leadership, not to hold on to power, but because there was a need to sustain the group in preparation for the next generation

I am not here to save face, or try to gain any political power within our group. I’ve never used our organizing as a means to get individual power. I gave so much of my life to our work without asking for nothing but to see our movement grow. I am just here to be honest — as a revolutionary, and as what I thought of as a comrade and a friend

I ask how KBT is going – I get a protective energy, and a response like “we have a plan”.